WE TURNED RIGHT up a hill, and drove slowly past immense twinkling estates that were not in a uniform site line like houses in most neighborhoods, but sat here and there in deep dark lots along North Road against an ultramarine wall of forest that began the Western Reserve.

"Are you sure this is okay and we're setup here?" I asked.

"Yes. I have an invitation for me and two friends," Kristy said.

"Jesus, just look at this fucking place," Jones said.

Teetering up the lighted walkway toward the black shape of Ruthie's house, Christmas wreaths glowed on the steamed windows and the smell of cinnamon moved through the winter air.

"Don't touch anything in here," Kristy said.

"Don’t worry about it," Jones said.

"Let's just have a few drinks and leave," I said.

Guys wearing red sweaters and tan trousers stopped us in the foyer. "Who invited the undertakers?" one guy said, laughing.

They looked over Kristy's invitation like customs agents inspecting the passport of someone badly disguised. We collected under the archway of the great room. Girls with dated but expensive hairstyles holding crystal mugs of cider lounged on oversized furniture as guys posed around them with conspicuous tumblers of scotch.

Jones said, "Jesus, these people are dressed like our parents."

Kristy turned to us sternly, "I got a news flash for you Jones—we are grown-ups. And we've been grown-ups for going on five years now so it's way past time for you to start acting like it."

"Yea, just like these people, it'd be an act," Jones said.

"Look," Kristy said, "I really like Ruthie so don't embarrass me in here. Don't drink too much. Don't let things get out of hand. M, you're in charge of Jones. Don't let him touch anything. If you two behave and don't act like stupid fucks, maybe you'll get with a nice girl going to med school."

As I waited for Jones's snide retort, Ruthie ran up then threw her arms open and screamed. Then Kristy threw her arms open and screamed. They hugged, and Kristy said, "My God, the house is beautiful!" which is something I would never imagine Kristy saying.

Ruthie and Kristy walked toward the kitchen without introducing me and Jones. Kristy turned and shot us a threatening look as a final warning.

"Let's go find a beer," Jones said to me.

As we walked through a maze of rooms, Jones ran his fingers lightly over the embossed wallpapers, furniture, book spines, decorations.

"Very high quality stuff in here, M. Real rich people stuff for sure."

Finding a game room with two televisions, a dartboard, pool table, kegs of imported beer and a crowd that seemed more regular, Jones said, "We'll park ourselves in here until Kristy is ready to go. I'm going to take a piss."

I drank a beer and watched two football games, invisible to others in the room talking about the market, women, their cars and jobs. Three guys hit balls around the pool table, missing shots so easy they joked about it.

Jones reappeared and said, "How about a real game?"

"Okay," one of the guys said. "Chicago 8 Ball for ten bucks."

And they racked 'em up.

I sat back ready to be entertained, knowing Jones had spent the last five years not growing up, but putting perfect English on the cue ball using warped sticks and un-level tables. However, Jones blew the game in a big dramatic way, sinking only one ball and even that looked like an accident. Jones exaggerated his poor play hilariously, bumping into people, dropping his stick and scratching nearly every shot.

Pocketing Jones's ten his opponent said, "I thought we were bad but you're half blind. I'd lay off the drugs if I were you." And they all laughed.

I went to the bathroom and discovered Jones had bitten the heads off the soap angels then spit them into the tub.

Back in Kristy's car, I asked Jones, "Why the hell did you throw that game?"

"Hey," Jones said, "just doing my part to preserve the order of the universe."

Kristy said, "Well I'm proud of you Jones. You were deferential to our hosts and that means you've somehow acquired a level of class along the way."

Jones smiled at me, reached into his leather and pulled out four wallets.


TO THE TOP >>