JIMMY DUBER AND I WERE BEST FRIENDS in the fifth grade. During that next summer we spent a lot of time visiting at each other's houses. My family lived with my grandparents on their farm and there were lots of things for fifth grade boys to do. We sailed toy boats in the pond, caught frogs and garter snakes, shot our slingshots, and hunted for ducks' nests. Sometimes my Dad or Grandpa would let us ride on the tractor.

Jimmy had straight red hair and freckles. He had a rollicking sense of humor and jabbered with running commentary on anything that came to mind. He always had a joke and we laughed a lot. Jimmy was never much interested in school work but he was an avid baseball player. He always got a hit and was picked first when we chose up sides at school. He played a mean third base.

On one of Jimmy's visits, we had just finished a cookies-and-milk snack when the radio stopped working and my Mom asked me to fetch the one from the barn. Jimmy waited for me at the house.

Thunderheads had been rolling across the sky all day and I could see lightning strikes off in the distance. The wind was picking up, but it hadn't started to rain yet. The air was invigorating. The radio wasn't where Mom said it was and it took me a few minutes to find it. When I finally had it tucked under my arm and was walking toward the open barn door, I saw Jimmy coming out to meet me. The wind was blowing his hair and tugging on his shirt.

About halfway to the barn, Jimmy stopped and slowly raised his arms so they stuck out from his sides. I saw his hair stand straight out from his head, and his eyes got very wide.

I stopped in the barn door and looked at his strange posture. Then there was a huge sound that knocked me flat on my back and a flash so bright that everything turned white. I was dazed for a moment. I lifted my head off the floor and looked out to see Jimmy lying on his back on the ground.

I got up and ran out to him. I slapped him on the cheeks like they do in the movies, "Jimmy, Jimmy. Are you all right?"

He opened his eyes wide and stared straight ahead, like he didn't see me. Then, slowly, he looked at me. "What happened?"

His shoes were smoking and on the ground were the shapes of his shoes outlined in black ash and little wisps of smoke. "I think you were hit by lightning."

"Really?" He grinned at me.

Then my mother was there asking him how he felt and doing her best to check him for injuries. He seemed okay and we went back in the house for another snack just as the rain started. We spent the rest of the day inside, out of the rain, doing quiet things. He insisted on playing checkers on the desk with the fluorescent lamp. He said the lamp made him feel good. He had never said anything like that before.


AS THE SUMMER WORE ON, Jimmy and I spent less and less time together. He seemed to get quieter and more interested in reading. I didn't see him at all for the three weeks before school started up again.

In the fall, much to everyone's surprise, Jimmy won the school spelling bee. The teachers said it was because of all his reading. His parents were very proud and Jimmy had a big grin on his face for days. He went on to compete in the state spelling bee at the capitol. There were lots of reporters and photographers there ...

The moderator of the spelling bee stood off to the left side of the stage and intoned, "If you spell this next word correctly you will be the winner of the state spelling bee. Please spell the word mussitation, meaning muttering, mumbling, and murmuring. Mussitation."

Jimmy stepped forward. He stuck out his chest and spat the letters one by one, almost yelling them, "M-U-S-S-I-T-A-T-I-O-N!"

The announcer lost his moderation and shouted, "Correct! Congratulations!"

There were cheers and applause and Jimmy acted very proud.

Jimmy's family threw a big party for him and his friends who had come all the way to the state capitol to watch. The party was pretty rowdy for sixth graders. Later, I watched Jimmy get his picture taken while he shook hands with the governor.

Winners from each of the fifty states then went on to compete in the national spelling bee contest. Jimmy was among rarefied company now but he seemed unfazed ...

The moderator stood on the left side of the stage and intoned, "If you spell this word correctly you will be the winner of the national spelling bee contest. Please spell the word euonym, a good name or an appropriate name for a person, place or thing. Euonym."

Jimmy got a big grin on his face and stepped forward. Calmly but loudly he spat out, "E-U-O-N-Y-M!"

Jimmy got awards and his picture in the paper. He shook hands with the President. I wasn't able to go but I saw his picture and interview in the newspaper. He was asked which part of the contest experience he liked best. After a moment's thought he responded, "I get to read a lot."


THE NEXT YEAR Jimmy didn't enter any spelling bees. He just wanted to keep on reading. He especially liked to read close to fluorescent lamps. Jimmy said it made him feel kind of tingly. His parents got him his own fluorescent reading light.

He quit playing baseball despite all the pleas of his former teammates. He just read every book he could get his hands on. He wasn't the old Jimmy Duber I knew. All through middle school and high school, Jimmy spent as much of his day as he could with his nose in a book, sitting close to a fluorescent lamp.

After graduation he went to the local campus of the state university and kept on reading. But his professors wanted him to analyze, synthesize, interpret what he read. Jimmy wasn't interested in that, and wasn't very good at it. He dropped out in the middle of his second year.

By now, his hair had gotten darker and he had put on weight due to his lack of exercise. He wore thick glasses. The excitement he felt as a kid when he was shooting slingshots and hunting birds' nests, or slamming long balls for his baseball team, he now felt only when he was reading. He laughed only when he was reading.

Jimmy went looking for a job but his social skills hadn't developed much. Perhaps they'd even diminished since that summer after fifth grade. He had a retiring manner in the interviews and he wasn't getting any job offers. Finally, he landed a job proofreading telephone directories. Most people could do the proofreading only an hour or so at a time before they lost concentration and starting making too many errors. They needed to do something else for a while before going back to it. So long as he had his fluorescent lamp, Jimmy loved it. He got paid for reading and didn't have to analyze, synthesize, or interpret anything. He proofread all day long and put in overtime. His employer thought he was great. Even with the raises, Jimmy was cheaper than anyone else because he could do so much. For the big city directories he would spend days just proofing the entries for Jones.

Then the great wheels of the international economy began to turn. Proofing tasks had been shipped to offshore companies and Jimmy found himself unemployed. He soon spent his meager savings and couldn't pay his rent. He became homeless. He slept in the parks at night and hung around shopping centers during the day. He carried a sign that said WILL READ FOR FOOD. Life was pretty grim.

Fortunately, this phase didn't last long and he got a job proofreading and sweeping up at a local newspaper office. It didn't pay much but he was employed. He could feed himself and read. As his boss got to know his abilities better, he was impressed by Jimmy's knowledge of words and phrases. His boss entered him as a contestant on the television game show Wheel of Fortune. Jimmy wasn't excited about it but went along to keep his boss happy. After his homeless experience, he tried extra hard to keep his boss happy.


ON HIS FIRST SHOW, four E's and four I's were uncovered but none of the other thirty-two letters when Jimmy guessed the answer.

"Bob, the phrase is: What this country needs is a good five-cent cigar." Everyone was stunned. The audience went wild. The host was speechless. No one had ever guessed the phrase so early in the game.

The next phrase was put on the board and after two letters were uncovered, he guessed it again.

"Bob, the phrase is: The vice presidency isn't worth a warm pitcher of spit." The audience went wild again. Bob acted a little embarrassed. He smiled and assured the audience that the show was not rigged and that Jimmy was an unusually skilled young man.

After a couple more phrases, the show was way ahead of its normal schedule and Bob chatted with Jimmy to fill some time. Jimmy mumbled and gave short answers. Bob had to work to get him to talk. The audience grew quiet, and some figured it was a good time to take a bathroom break. People started walking in and out of the studio. Several conversations started up. One person began reading a newspaper.

Bob decided that the best thing to do was proceed with the game. On the next phrase, Jimmy guessed it after only the letter O was uncovered.

"Bob, the phrase is: Fifty-four forty or fight." The audience went wild.

As the winner, Jimmy was invited back for the next round. He won handily. He kept winning. He was on the show so much that his boss at the newspaper had to hire a replacement. Jimmy was pulling in gobs of prizes and money. Soon, everyone in the country was watching this phenomenon. He even guessed a couple without any letters uncovered ...

"Bob, the phrase is: We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

"Bob, the phrase is: Read my lips, no new taxes."

Jimmy reached star status. Agents wanted to represent him; paparazzi pestered him; fans deluged him; women wanted to marry him. And the US Senate investigated him.

In serious tones and serious faces, senators faced the news cameras and made sound-bite declarations of national concern. The Senate was going to do its duty ...

"It is un-American to have cheating on game shows."

"The morals of this country's children are at stake."

"The United States will lose its influence in international affairs."

"Laws need to be passed. Cheaters need to be punished."

The Senate Subcommittee on Un-American Activities called Jimmy and Bob as witnesses. While Bob put on his game-show-host face and unsheathed his witty repartee, Jimmy was as uncommunicative as ever. The subcommittee members were sure he was covering up something and they intensified their investigations.

Meanwhile, the show producers saw this as great publicity. Not only did they continue with the original show, but started a second series called Wheel of Fortune Encores that showed reruns featuring Jimmy Duber. The whole country was watching both shows. Fees for commercials went through the roof. And when the show's executives were called to testify before the subcommittee, they protested loudly about the indignity of it all as they smiled and laughed on the inside. In show business, no publicity is bad publicity. Try as they might, the subcommittee staffers and FBI could not find any cheating, so they closed their investigation.


JIMMY PASSED BEYOND STAR STATUS Jimmy passed beyond star status and became an American icon. He did endorsements ...
Jimmy is sitting at a table with a bowl of hot cereal. He looks across the bowl and into the camera through the thick lenses of his eyeglasses. "I eat Quaker Oats oatmeal because it's brain food." He tastes a spoonful as his face transforms into the Quaker logo.

Jimmy is lying on his back on a sofa, reading a book. The angle of the camera shows the bottoms of his sneakers. The pattern molded on the sole of one shoe says READ while the other shoe says IT NOW. The camera then focuses on Jimmy. He puts the book down and looks into the camera. "Nike sneakers are perfect for lying on the sofa, reading. Just do it." He pumps his fist in the air. The swoosh logo appears.

Jimmy is sitting back in a large reclining chair, a fluorescent reading lamp shining over his shoulder. He reads a book. He puts the book down and looks into the camera. "La-Z-Boy got me where I am today." The camera pulls back and a long parade of recliners in every color and style cross the bottom of the screen.

Jimmy had agents, lawyers, money managers, fans, and fame. Mothers and school teachers were among his biggest fans. But after a few months, he grew tired of how all this fame was taking away his time. After winning one last time—"Bob, the phrase is: A woman is only a woman but a good cigar is a smoke."—he announced his retirement on the show. There was a great gnashing of teeth in the executive offices and great wailing in the teachers' lounges across the country, but no one could get him to change his mind. He had enough money to never work again, and he didn’t want to work. He just wanted to read.

In a small ceremony, Jimmy married one of the assistants on the show. I was best man. She is a crossword puzzle addict—"Jimmy, what's a nine-letter word for 'symbols of virtue' with E as the middle letter?"—and they get along great together—"Try 'whitehats.'" They're living quietly in Cleveland now and send me a card at Christmas. They seem quite happy spending their time reading and doing crossword puzzles under fluorescent lamps.


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