9:00 AM
Clocked in at checkpoint. Said good morning to new coworker Jed. Jed was replacing Neil who was convicted last week of running aliens. Told Jed I averaged
586 arrests a day, just to see him react. Jed said he was down to two, three hundred a day on the Canadian border and that's why they sent him south. We
laughed. I liked the easygoing Jed right away. Had Tex-Mex breakfast at my desk and got heartburn. Then rolled jeep out into the scorching heat.
9:30 AM
Confronted Hernandez family as they stepped out of the river. Family consisted of husband and wife Jose and Maria, daughter Maria, sons Roberto and
Abdullah Ahmed, Jose's brothers Rashed Daoul Owhali and Sheikh Mamdouh Salim, and Jose's mother Maria Ramirez. Admitted them for fifty wet dollars.
10:00 AM
Charged Castillo family fifty after they emerged from the tunnel near the highway, then wished them Godspeed.
10:30 AM
Surprised Lopez family in a shack miles from the nearest town. Explained rendezvous with transport van for fifty. Told them it was a long, hot ride and collected
a hundred and fifty more for six recapped bottles of tap water.
10:45 AM
Found Mendoza family lurking in high brush and admitted them. They were so happy to be staying, I was able to sell them nine Uncle Sam caps at ten dollars
each. It's a joy to promote the U.S. of A. to believers with cash.
11:00 AM — 12:15 PM
Helicopter reported a two-hundred-yard section of fence down in our area. Nothing I could do, but drove out to investigate. People were crossing at the rate
of hundreds a minute, like a stroll in the park. Nice day for a crossing, too. Not a cloud in the sky, ever.
12:20 PM
Admitted seasonal fruit pickers Muhammad Atef, Saleh al-Hawsawi, and Mullah Mounir Nasir. Seemed to know their way around. Cost them three hundred
for me not to look in their locked trunk.
12:30 PM — 1:30 PM
Tex-Mex lunch with Jed at checkpoint. Told Jed that marrying a Mexican woman was the smartest thing I ever did. Conchita's fajitas melted in my mouth and
she was a wildcat in bed, I bragged. Only problem was, she mailed half my paycheck to relatives in Tijuana. Jed laughed and said that his wife, Fatima Shezeera,
was Canadian and made great hummus. After lunch we both got stomach cramps.
1:45 PM
Admitted Ahmad Shakir and Wadih Ali for five hundred each since their names were on the watch list. Jed told me later I could have turned them in for a lot
more. Next time I'll remember.
2:10 PM
Arrested Ortega family who thoughtlessly approached me without any U.S. money. Told them they were lucky. The last family that offered me pesos baked in
a truck.
2:20 PM — 2:45 PM
Took my break by the canyon. Watched through binoculars buzzards descend on the unfortunate Gonzalez family who attempted to cross two days ago
twenty-five short.
2:50 PM
Sold the entire Martinez family of six adults and eight children as slaves to a fertilizer company for thirty a head.
3:00 PM
Saw what appeared to be a large convoy of armored vehicles heading north across the desert into El Paso, the men behind the machine guns wearing
Arafat-style headdresses. Must have been a mirage. Took a salt tablet.
3:20 PM — 4:00 PM
Jed met me on the road with two backpacks of Mexican bud that he'd confiscated. Formed secret partnership at once, each of us keeping a pack.
Jed said the M's were coming back later with two more, that he'd let them carry one in and split the other with me.
4:10 PM — 4:50 PM
High as a kite. Opened the gate and told everyone to make a run for it.
5:00 PM
Clocked out. Told the sweating, dusty Jed I'd see him tomorrow, and to turn his AC on max if he got homesick for Canada. He laughed. By the time
I walked ten feet to my Humvee, I was doubled over with abdominal pain. Drove home for fajitas.
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