[A SCENE FROM A PLAY]

The manor house of an antebellum plantation. A stately dining room, windows ajar and uncurtained. Distant views of verdant cropland. A man and woman sit across a long table. Linen napkins, formal attire, heirloom china. Gardenias in a crystal vase catch the evening breeze, sway gently from side to side.

CHARLES
Don't make me repeat myself. Please stop talking for one damn minute and listen. What I'm telling you is important. That woman is a liar and a scamp and you know better than anyone the lengths she will go to ruin my life—our life—

MARGARET
She was awfully specific, Charles, awfully specific, and I don’t see how you can expect me to just take your word in a situation such as—

CHARLES
These are damnable lies and I can prove that and for you to doubt me at a time like this is hurtful enough without—

MARGARET
Doubt you! The great Charles Peckery? Could I possibly have reason? Let me think—

CHARLES
—without even mentioning your total naïveté and doe-eyed ignorance for anything beyond the latest gossip and fashions—

MARGARET
Shirley, yes? That was her name? Or was it Calliope? No, that was a different one altogether, the bowlegged one with a funny lisp and the big—

CHARLES
Are you having fun? Are we playing games now, or would you like to discuss this like adults, like husband and—

MARGARET
Why, Charlef, why fo feriouf? Can't we have fome fun with our fupper? Fop being—

CHARLES
Damnit, leave the girl alone. At least she smiled on occasion. That's more—

MARGARET
What's not to smile about when you're young and in love?

CHARLES
Indeed.

MARGARET
Am I too old for you now? Or too serious? Perhaps both all—

CHARLES
Neither. It's not like that, Marg—

MARGARET
It?

CHARLES
That. Her. What happened before.

MARGARET
And what happens now, Charles? Does now have anything to do with before?

CHARLES
These two situations could not be more different.

MARGARET
Oh dear, is she dark? A wild savage? Have you gone and diddled the servants again? Please tell me you have the good sense—

CHARLES
I haven't diddled anyone, damnit. Least of all you. Aside from the obvious, aside from the well-known, long-standing jealousies, this woman stands to profit considerably—

MARGARET
—not to make your messes so close to home—

CHARLES
If my contract with the Methodist Assembly falls through, Margaret, she stands to profit considerably. There, that's it. That's all there is to it. You know Archibald—

MARGARET
I do know Archibald. He's quite the man, you know, a good example for you.

CHARLES
—that he'd never stand for the slightest impropriety when it comes to his church—

MARGARET
Indeed.

CHARLES
What are you implying, Margaret?

MARGARET
Nothing, Charles. Just that a man like you could learn some things from a man like Archie.

CHARLES
Get out. Leave your supper and leave this house.

MARGARET
But it's my house, Charles. I'm the Vanderbilt and you're the Peckery. Besides, I thought we were discussing things like adults now.

CHARLES
This is all coming from spite. You're retaliating like a petulant—

MARGARET
I'm discussing, dear. I'm offering advice to my husband.

CHARLES
And what exactly is the advice you're offering?

MARGARET
Don't fuck my sister or I'll fuck the minister.

CHARLES
You wouldn't.

MARGARET
I would, but that's not quite the point.

CHARLES
I haven't touched your sister.

MARGARET
And you won't. Now be a sweetheart and pass the collard greens.


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