IN HIS NEW JOB, DON IMUS
REPLACES SIMON COWELL
ON THE PANEL OF AMERICAN IDOL
     BY MIKE FOWLER

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A writer of humor during the administration of George HW Bush, MIKE FOWLER continues to write, only less amusingly, during the tenure of George W Bush. He believes that Don Imus is vastly confused, but Simon Cowell has got it right.

mmfowler AT fuse DOT net

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© 2008 Mike Fowler
To Jordin Sparks, after her performance of Over the Rainbow during Hollywood Week with musical mentor Liza Minnelli.

DON IMUS: You're a ho.

To LaKisha Jones, after her performance of Ave Maria during Gospel Week with musical mentor Patti LaBelle.

DON IMUS: From where I'm sitting, you look like a nappy-headed ho.

To Melinda Doolittle, after her performance of There's No Business Like Show Business during Broadway Week with musical mentor Barbra Streisand.

DON IMUS: You've got great legs, but you're a ho.

To Jordin Sparks, after her performance of The Thrill Is Gone during Blues Week with musical mentor Buddy Guy.

DON IMUS: Do I see tattoos? Anyway, you're a ho.

To LaKisha Jones, after her performance of Danke Schoen during Vegas Week with musical mentor Wayne Newton.

DON IMUS: I like that you're wearing less clothes this week. Ho.

To Melinda Doolittle, after her performance of Blowin' in the Wind during Folk Week with musical mentor Joan Baez.

DON IMUS: The vocal was strong, your appearance is good, you seemed to be having a great time, but in the end, you're still a ho.

To LaKisha Jones, after her performance of My Funny Valentine during Standards Week with musical mentor Harry Connick Jr.

DON IMUS: Love the bazoomies. Hate the nappy head.

To Sanjaya Malakar, after his performance of White Christmas during Christmas Week with musical mentor Julie Andrews.

DON IMUS: I'm going to hate myself for saying this, Macaca. You're a ho.

To Jordin Sparks, after she wins the title of American Idol 2007.

DON IMUS: Congratulations. Ho.


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